Register me for a trip to the funny farm

So this post is not going to be about the time I made a total ass out of myself one time at a track parents’ meeting by mistaking the word "balm" for "bomb"…

OR

About the hideous gas I had tonight, which was so bad my husband told me he’d rather shove his nose in our dog’s anus than smell it, even if it WAS his baby’s fault (which it TOTALLY was)…

OR

That he said he’s getting up at 7 am tomorrow morning to MOW THE LAWN.  Which makes me wonder what I EVER did to make him so mad at me (must have been the gas)…

OR

How we are leaving for 5 days tomorrow and I don’t have anything packed except for the billions of travel-sized bottles of toiletries I bought at Target today to drown the sorrows of a particularly butt-whooping meeting with my boss, nor do I have the laundry done…

BUT

It is all about how frustrating this whole baby gear thing is.  When I registered for our wedding (and yes, I mean I, because John was off working in another state and we were only engaged for two months so I got online and went nutso) it was so easy:  I just picked pretty things that had little or no function and I got most of them without ever seeing them in real life before.  What I hated I returned or exchanged or gave away after a solid grace period of 6 months.  Unfortunately, with baby stuff you have to worry about things like safety and recalls and overwhelming a little person with TOO MANY GIRAFFES.  And then there’s the whole question of which baby carrier simultaneously prevents Daddy from getting kicked in the junk and protects Mama’s already tweaked lower back while ALSO being able to convert from front to side to back?  I am scared to death to register for anything, much less buy it.  But register I have.  And every day I have to check and mess with it at least 4 times.  Which means that in a few months I’ll be over at Target (whose return policy SUCKS now, by the way) FREAKING OUT about something like crib sheet thread count.  I pity the return clerks already.

I’ve tried to find a book.  There are so many.  Which one is good?  And who the heck wrote it anyway?  And seriously, how many strollers does one baby NEED?

The fundamental problem with all this?  Babies will one day grow out of it all, slam their bedroom door in my face and yell "I HATE YOU!" and then move to France to go to college.

Goodness I think I need a doughnut.

p.s.  Can someone just tell me what the best baby monitor is?  Thanks.

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5 thoughts on “Register me for a trip to the funny farm

  1. KATHY V says:

    Hey Manda,
    I bought a book called the baby gizmo buying guide. I seem to like it a lot and it talks about all the different things babies need and don’t need. I can’t remember off the top of my head who wrote it but it is by the same people who set up babygizmo.com

    I went with that one because I figured that they update the website more frequently than the book about specific brands while the book talks about the stuff in general. This website may be helpful for you with the monitors.

  2. Rachel says:

    I’ve been working on a post of my recommendations, I’ll let you know when I post it.

    As far as monitors, I’m not sure which is the best, but I really like the one we have. It plugs in to the wall outlet and also has batteries and a belt clip so you can take it outside. It also lights up so if you are vacuuming or running the hairdryer, you know if the baby starts crying. I really like it. I’m not sure the model but it is a Fisher Price.

  3. Caroline says:

    The best baby monitor is your ears. !!! We rarely used ours. I felt on edge when it was on. Always listening for the smallest sound. If your baby is anything like the Loan girls I grew up with, I know this baby will be heard!! The perfect non junk kicking, non lower back pain is called an ergo baby carrier. You can only get it on myfavoritebabycarrier.com. I have 2 friends who will never get anything else. For baby number 2 for me, I will buy one. A baby needs a snap in go (for the infant stage), an umbrella stroller (for toddler stage) and a jogger for the runner in all of us. We bought our crib sheets at babies r us. We bought white and green because we also did not know what we were having. Both can be added to when you do know. I will look at your list at Target and see. We also bought consumer reports on baby items. Also sold at babies r us. There is a short little fun book for daddys called Daddy’s survival guide. It is army colored might be a fun gift for John.

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