Welp, things are moving right along over here in Pregnancy Land (I wish it was more like Candy Land, although it's pretty close, thank you Lord that I didn't flunk my gestational diabetes test!!).
This week I am sad to report that the stretch marks are only getting worse. Have I mentioned how much stretch marks ANNOY me? Especially since NO ONE in pregnancy magazines has them? Yes, I know, they are airbrushed out but WHERE IS MY AIRBRUSH? No fair. It's weird to look down at yourself and not recognize much of what you see. I am developing a strange little road map to the right of my bellybutton. That combined with an empty (and yes, stretched out) hole from where a bellybutton ring used to be makes for a picture NOT worthy of any cocoa butter advertisements. Which leads me to the obvious question … has anyone found anything that actually works? And you people who are genetically altered to NOT get stretch marks can just shut the crap up and leave me alone while I toss down a few more Oreos.
New offensive adjective alert: pregtarded. My friend who is a medical assistant likes to call me this whenever I can't remember where I put my keys, her name, my own name … For some reason it just stuck with me. There has to be some reasonable explanation for the endless brain-farting going on over here. Right?
And speaking of farts, they are deadly people. Be glad that smell is not transmittable over the internet.
Let's see, anything positive? Why YES! For once I do have something grand to tell you! My back pain has mysteriously been alleviated a bit in the last week. YAY! It's not completely gone but for whatever reason I' feeling a lot better. Some of you must have been praying!! I also picked up a HoMedics Ortho Therapy Leg Spacer Support Pillow to replace what John lovingly refers to as "the crotch pillow." Actually we've had some pretty funny conversations that start out with "Hey! You've got your head on my crotch pillow!" Hee hee. Now it doesn't matter because I have my funny bow-tie shaped pillow made of lovely, lovely memory foam. Ahhh.
Also, I've forgotten when my next OB appointment is. I hope they call me and remind me the day before. Also? We haven't registered for a single class yet. Whoops. We plan on doing at least three: preparation for delivery, baby care, and breast feeding. Any other worthwhile suggestions? I also got the most wonderful, AMAZING package from Laura today which contained What to Expect the First Year and some other MAGIC baby goodies. I LOVE YOU LAURA!! I'm starting to think that maybe we can actually DO this. A day late and a dollar short?
In other news, it's come to my attention that one of my male readers has "lost interest" in my blog since I got pregnant. Sorry dude! I would say that I'll try harder to blog about un-pregnant topics but it's kinda hard since I have someone inside my body, like, kicking me all day long. It's hard to think about much else. And let's not even get started on all there is to do before this little meatball arrives…
See? Probably nine more of you just died of boredom.