If someone tells me it’s all downhill from here, I WILL KILL THEM.
The list of stuff to do before this baby arrives SUCKS. It includes getting both of our vehicles smog-checked and registered, and getting our new licenses. That means oh so many wonderful things including my two personal favorites: Taking a written driving test with frickin’ pregnancy brain AND getting my picture taken for my license with pregnancy FACE. I’ll put on makeup and do my hair (you know, just in case I actually pass the test, HA) but I don’t think there’s much I can do about my double chin or the biscuits that are hiding my jawline. Hopefully my license won’t expire for oh, 25 years. The only comfort I have is that I will put down a weight WELL below my pre-pregnancy weight because how the heck would THEY know anyway?
So remember how I told you I have stretch marks? I do. And up until a few days ago they were just annoying because they are so ugly and pretty much guarantee that I will never wear a 2-piece bathing suit again. Now there’s a new fun feature of stretch marks that I didn’t know about … THEY HURT. Last night I was trying to get a good look at my lower belly — very difficult and near-impossible task might I add — and I actually started to wonder if my skin will hold if this baby grows any more. Dangit. I actually also had the fleeting hope that when I go to my doctor’s appointment tomorrow (the lovely cervical checks begin! BOO!) he will tell me that for some reason I need to be rushed to the hospital and the baby must be born! Immediately! Of course in my little fantasy there was no medical emergency, just urgency. Sigh. I really don’t see how I could go past my due date. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high … ugh. I’m just tired of not being able to get up and down, turn over in bed, sleep through the night without 20 bathroom breaks and half a bottle of Tums (I will take a screaming baby instead very happily) … all of it. I’ve given up on makeup, bras, any clothing with zippers or buttons, shoes, and driving. If anyone ever asks if I need anything the answer is usually cupcakes or Target cards.
Since my family is arriving on August 14-15 I’ve been making a list of things I would like help with while they are here. I emailed some of it to my sister yesterday and I suspect she’s reconsidering her visit now. Not that I can blame her. Here’s how the note I sent her kinda went:
I can’t wait til you guys get here. I have big plans for you, so uh, bring nasty clothes:
Clean out/organize garage
Landscape/weedwack backyard and somehow dogproof Juicy’s dirt hole (does Mike know how to fix weedwackers?)
Install babyproof stuff
Install shades in baby’s room and maybe a blind in our bedroom
Groom Henry, like trim him with clippers, wash and brush the poor bastard.
Change a million diapers.
Stay up all night with baby so I can sleep.
Put ice packs down my pants for me.
Tell me my baby is cute even if she’s not.
Oh and we need a new drill and um we also might need another air bed. And the brakes changed on my car. Oh my gosh WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO AND ONLY 19 DAYS LEFT?
Now tell me, would you show up at my house? I didn’t think so.
p.s. We had an earthquake today and the whole house swayed and shook for about a minute! Luckily nothing got broken. It was crazy!! My first earthquake! The dogs tried to run outside to see what was going on but we called them to the doorway and made them sit with us until it had passed. Woo!