Freaked and geeked

So, I'm having a bit of a Jessie Spano moment over here today:

I'm coming to grips with the fact that there is a really, really good chance that Little Buddy isn't going to come on her own by the doctor's deadline: 10 days (which magically comes tomorrow night at midnight).  While I'm SO EXCITED to finally meet our daughter and get birth over with — yikes — I'm also SCARED.  Induction is just not how I saw things panning out in the end.  I was so sure that I'd go into labor on my own.  I'm freaked out that with medical intervention something will go wrong and the scenario has played out many times in my head going down all the BAD rabbit trails. 

In my heart I know it's TIME already.  Even if the doctor got his math wrong (which we are pretty sure he did because I KNOW the day I got pregnant and it's 4-5 days after he says I did.  I KNOW because it is MARKED ON THE CALENDAR) our daughter is still 4 days late at this point and will be 6 days overdue by Thursday.  An induction is not unreasonable.  It's just scary.

I'm sad that my family won't be here when she's born.  I bawled all day Sunday dropping them off at the airport.  My mom will be back on Thursday but it's not the same!  I feel like I got shortchanged!  I mean, my family could have been here this week instead of last week!! WAHHH!

Please don't get me wrong … we are so blessed to have made it to this point with absolutely NO complications.  There hasn't been a single reason for concern over anything with this pregnancy except for a little extra weight gain (oops).  And even then, I've only gained 30 pounds!  It's not THAT bad!  And at least there's an end in sight.  By this time on Thursday our baby hopefully will be in the world and everyone will FINALLY know her name.  Hee.  I just need your prayers right now.  Mentally I need to be tougher and have more faith that God is in control of this whole thing and that he will protect our little family.

In the meantime I'm plotting to sleep in for the last time possibly EVER tomorrow morning, getting as much laundry done as I can, and planning the huge final no-guilt pregnant meal I'll eat tomorrow. :)  And just FYI I will NOT be blogging through labor, although I will update Twitter via my phone, so just check the sidebar on your right and we'll do our best.  Love to you all.



10 thoughts on “Freaked and geeked

  1. Morgan Swanson says:

    PLEASE don’t be worried about the induction!!! I hoped my girls would come on their own, but they both just wanted to hang out in there.

    It is really not bad at all! My second birth experience was absolutely perfect and it was induced. (I endured more pain than necessary with #1, waiting too long for the epidural.) They started the pictocin at about 8:00 a.m. and were supposed to break my water at 9:30 a.m. but my doctor had an emergency c-section to perform and didn’t get to break my water until 2:00 p.m. I was very comfortable through ALL OF THIS! I got the epidural about 45 minutes after my water breaking and was totally comfortable the rest of the time. It was actually BORING, waiting for full dilation. Baby #2 was facing sunny-side up and was not descending, so it took a bit of time before my doctor was ready for me to push. At 8:30 p.m., when it was time to push, it was only 15 minutes and my almost 8 pounder came flying out.

    I am sure it will all go wonderfully for you, just enjoy knowing the show is finally getting on the road! You will all do fine! Just bring some magazines or your laptop if the hospital has free wifi. 🙂 Enjoy your last few baby-free hours.

  2. Nora says:

    My sister Randi was scheduled for induction at 6:00 am and ended up in labor on her own at midnight the night before… you could still go in to labor.

    We will pray that all goes well and you get to meet your precious girl as soon as possible :)!

  3. Liz says:

    Even if your birth experience is not EXACTLY how you planned, it will turn out to be perfect. God has a way of making it all work out so well! As much as I was scared of being induced – and even more so because baby was in a bad way – I had the most amazing nurse that made me feel so comfortable about everything. Just go with a positive attitude, and everything will be fabulous. Adam and Lucy and I pray for you three daily. We can’t wait to hear your experience and see pics of your sweet baby girl!

  4. rachel says:

    Even though my water broke on it’s own, I had to have help getting the contractions going. I am sure you have heard horror stories about pitocin, but I didn’t think it was that bad. I hope everything goes well!

  5. Emily says:

    I always think these are the moments when it is hardest to trust God, because there is just so much at stake. But I’ll tell you this: I was induced and ended up with a c-section and while it wasn’t ideal, it doesn’t seem to matter at all any more. It did before the birth, it doesn’t any longer. Just know that any feelings of guilt, or inadequacy or fear? They will pass. I will be thinking of you, Manda, and praying for you too. Can’t wait to hear that she arrives safely and is NAMED! XOXO

  6. A'Dell says:

    I have definitely focused waaaaay too much on what can go wrong at the hospital with interventions and the motivations behind them and I’m learning to just LET IT GO. Emily is totally right – it feels like a big deal now, but it won’t be later on.

    At the end of it all, you’ll have your daughter. And that’s all you’ll be able to think about and it will be awesome.

    Can’t wait to hear what her name is!

  7. Artblog says:

    I’ve had two in my time and if it helps at all, they really are not that scary. I found the spontaneous labor more scary!

    I keep checking up on you and am hoping all goes well when she decides to make an appearance (stubborn little miss 😉



  8. K says:

    Checking on you too….and hoping all goes well – no matter how it happens! It will be wonderful and miraculous! 🙂

  9. Mary says:

    Hi Manda,

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while but have never commented before. I just want to wish you all the best as you finally get to start the next chapter of your life with your new little girl! How exciting! I know this is not the birth you imagined, but at least you got some extra time to prepare and your water didn’t break in public 🙂 Good luck and God bless.

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