The Ninja Banana poops on Ikea

Sydney spent most of the day in her pjs from last night because she came to work with me this morning!  I brought her "desk" (her bouncer) with us and she worked very hard while smiling at everyone, giggling, and then promptly passing out for an hour and a half because she is AWESOME.

When we got home I handed her off to John so I could finally shower (at 3 pm, and YES I went to work unshowered and YES totally tried to pass off a pair of black pj pants as real pants).  I asked him to put an outfit on her because we were planning a little family outing to Ikea later so I could drool on what will HOPEFULLY be coming to live at my house before the holidays.

I took a nice long shower, happily sighing to myself the whole time over the magical freedom of not having to worry over whether someone had lost her pacifier and might be mad at me, and came out to find my daughter like this:


Creative, no?

Daddy said he was going for a "Ninja-banana" look.  WOW.  At least he didn't do a repeat of the previous "Joker" look … that one involved purple socks and green pants and unfortunately I do not have photographic evidence.

Since I'm not the type to re-do something that's already sufficiently done, we readied ourselves to vamoose.  All we needed was a little sweater action.  Shall I entertain you with the layering job I entrusted to my spouse?


NEVERTHELESS, off we went!  We enjoyed some interesting meatballs and cheap hot dogs before frolicking in the scratch-and-dent section where we came across this sexy thing two trips ago for a mere $249.  Juicy has been very pleased with his new couch, just in case you're wondering.

IPhone Roll 010    

Yes, although Ikea is cheap, it's apparently not cheap enough for the wife of The Man Who Loathes Spending Moolah.  The couch only had ONE broken spring!  It's FINE!  Well, it was fine after I sanitized the crap out of it because, apparently?  Everyone abandons their five kids in the scratch-and-dent section to spread germs around while they shop elsewhere.  Perhaps they were hoping someone would take them on clearance … you can probably guess that I was NOT INTERESTED.

Anyway, we frolicked, didn't find much that was interesting except for a springform pan for me because I'm planning pumpkin cheesecake in Denver for Thanksgiving (WOOT! SHOUT OUT TO DENVER!) and a few other doodads and on our way out Sydney was a stinky, yet smiley, fool.  Of course they only put the diaper changing thingies in the ladies room – the MAN who thought that one up is rolling in cash from grateful men across the land – so we went to work.  As soon as I unzipped the hoodie, it was clear that there had been a Poop Incident.  Because Poop was where it should not be: outside of the clothing ohdearlord.  I cannot even begin to describe the volume other than to say it was IN HER ARMPITS.  Somehow I got her stripped down and cleaned up with the mere FIVE diaper wipes I had left and then?  AND THEN?????  Oh yes you know what comes next.  She pees.  All over the plastic changing pad which means that it pools underneath her and soaks her entire back AND HAIR and what else??  DID YOU FORGET??  I'M OUT OF DIAPER WIPES.

So yes, I sopped up pee with her poopie clothes, blotted her with paper towels, thanked heaven that I had an extra outfit, and life went on.  But you'd better believe I spent most of the ride home plotting this blog.  Because POOP and PEE get TOP BILLING up in here people.


9 thoughts on “The Ninja Banana poops on Ikea

  1. seussgirl says:

    I love IKEA; and darn that man for plotting against moms! Last time we were out, I asked a cleaning lady if the men’s room had a changing table, and it did, so I got one boy and he got the other. That works.

    I should have blogged about the blow-out diaper in the carseat while in the car; and then about the copycat brother who decided to blow out in his own carseat WHILE we were cleaning up the first boy. Oh fun times. 🙂

  2. Nikki says:

    I love your blog! You are so terribly funny.

    Denver for Thanksgiving? What?! How long will yall be here? We’re going to (attempt to) cook ourselves for dinner that day, but maybe we can arrange to see you somehow? We need to see Lily and Troy also! We’re so bad – we don’t get out of our suburban little town often enough.

  3. Katie says:

    While I can totally identify with the poop and pee incidents…I love the shared experience of having dad dress a little girl in an outfit that matches only on some far-away planet where there is no light. There’s always the resulting internal debate–do I mention how much that DOES NOT match, or let it be…and will we permanently damage her ability to dress by keeping her in an outfit with stripes, dots, flowers and a red/pink/orange/purple color scheme? I hope not, otherwise my daughter is in serious trouble.

  4. Brandy says:

    I have so been in that position!! LOL. Actually I am dreading outtings this weekend because my Livi hasn’t pooped in about 5 days and I just know it’s going to be a doozy when it does come out. Yay for me!

  5. rachel says:

    I think that tops the Great Sweet Potato incident of earlier this year.

    Were there no other women in the bathroom who may have had wipes in thier diaper bag?

  6. Morgan S says:

    Oh, she is the CUTEST little ninja banana! I am sorry about the horrible diaper incident at IKEA – those types of blowouts are really unbelievable – HOW does it end up near the armpits? What kind of velocity are we talking here?

    Also – it is my mother-in-law that dresses my daughters in the MOST incredibly horrid outfits. Words fail me – an ENTIRE closet of numerous ADORABLE outfits and they end up wearing things like a too small hot pink t-shirt and lime green pajama bottoms that were part of a STRIPED set, purple socks and brown shoes HUH?! She dresses herself okay – what is the PROBLEM?

  7. Morgan S. says:

    Hi – me again! I saw your twitter about your hair falling out like crazy – MINE TOO! I did a little thinking about the situation and I realized that, due to the fact that I have been either nursing or gestating for the last three years, I apparently didn’t lose a single hair during that time. AND IT IS ALL FALLING OUT NOW, by the fistful. It is making me crazy!!!! Like so much has fallen out, I am astonished I am not bald. Like, I feel like some crazy cat lady, with my clothes covered in hair – except it is not cat hair, it is MY hair. There is also few things I hate more than the feeling of hair touching my face and now I have all these random short wispys touching my face all the time!!!! UGHH. Let us pray it stops soon, shall we?!

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