For today, this blog is cheaper than therapy

I've tried really hard NOT to blog about poop lately.  But as it turns out, when I outlaw that subject, I really have nothing else to say.

For instance?  Last week my car key broke.  Like so:


Suck, right?  Especially since I lost my extra set about a month ago?  Anyway, last Wednesday I got all ambitious and decided to hit the locksmith with Sydney in tow to get a new key.  I thought it would be a quick in-and-out job. Wrong, wrong, WRONG.  Apparently I have a fancy-pants key that has some kind of anti-theft microchip blabbity-blah that costs ONE HUNDRED dollars to replace AND takes all kinds of computerific manipulation. WONDERFUL!  Let's do all that in a hot parking lot (yes, the locksmith I chose was essentially a HUT in the parking lot of a pancake restaurant, don't you just LOVE LOS ANGELES? GET ME OUT OF HERE TO A PLACE WITH ACE HARDWARE FOR THE LOVE) and throw in a fussy baby for extra fun!  WOO!  An hour later I was loading Sydney into the car when I noticed her signature funk … you know the one.  I debated about whether to try and change her in the seat of the car or open up the hatchback so I'd have a bigger working surface.  I decided to use the seat, and when I lifted her out of the car seat UM OH MY STARS THE POOP.  We quickly relocated to the trunk of my SUV and it was like an onion … the more layers I peeled off the worse it got.  How does someone so small POOP SO MUCH?!  Good thing I put her in a cute dress for once in her life and there was no protective pants barrier to help me out on this one!  YIPEE!  After I went through the majority of the baby wipes in a FULL container and totally soiled her blanket, I started to put her back into the car seat only to realize that that there was a huge puddle of poop IN THE SEAT.  I spent the next 20 minutes taking apart and baby-wiping the entire thing and actually got excited when I saw that it hadn't gone all the way through to the car upholstery. SAD. 

You'd better believe I took pictures.  Because my daughter was just too giggly and PLEASED with herself to not need some sort of way to embarrass at her high school graduation party.  Also?  I haven't gotten around to thoroughly washing her car seat out because I am EVIL.


In other not-so-fascinating news, I finally broke down and got surgery done on my ingrown toenails.  I'm sick of not being able to wear real shoes, and I really, really miss getting pedicures.  I don't know what it is lately, people, but I'm getting fed up.  My hair is AWFUL.  I'm a slobby mess and totally in that crazy in-between sizes mode where my pants are all either too tight and sporting muffin top or too baggy and revealing lovely plumber's crack every time I bend over (and it doesn't help that the two sizes I'm in between are 12 and 14. My pre-pregnancy size-8 butt seems like a fairy tale to me now).  Then there's the fact that I'm perpetually tired and covered in spit-up and generally grumpy because any free time I get goes to folding laundry.  My milk supply is still depressingly low and Sydney needs at minimum a bottle formula a day (although yesterday?  She had THREE).  AND? (Oh yes, there's MORE)I woke up with a stye in my eye this morning. AWESOME.  The moral of the story is that it would be nice to AT LEAST have cute feet, because when all else fails that was once the thing that I could turn to.  NO MORE. 


Hawt.  The report is that in about a month my feet will be back to normal and I will never, ever get an ingrown toenail again for the rest of my life.  I asked my podiatrist to sign that in blood and he gladly did.  Unfortunately he did it WITH MINE.  For now, I have sore, ugly, bleeding Q-tip toes that go nicely with my sweatpants.  

And without a doubt Dr. Phil could do a hell of a number on me lately.


8 thoughts on “For today, this blog is cheaper than therapy

  1. Nora says:

    I’m having similar issues with the toes… particularly the left one. Question: Did you health insurance pay for the procedure? I may have to consider it as I’m living in flip flops and it’s 32 degrees outside today!


  2. Elsha says:

    I’m relatively new to your blog and I have to say- I LOVE that you took a picture of the poop. Those are the times when you look at the poop all over everything and think– now, what is the best way to take these clothes off without making even more of a mess…

  3. Grandma Karen says:

    Hi Manda! Sorry your day was rough….but here’s a tip that might help a little. I had a similar situation with my automatic car door opener, and they wanted $75 to replace it….I superglued a small keychain to the back of it….voila! I’ve been waiting for months to share this tip with someone. Saved some bucks. (Your baby is beautiful!)

  4. Ellie says:

    Cheaper than therapy, indeed. I love a good poop story 😉 Plus, my little one is showing all the signs of weaning (boo!), and no matter how much pumping I do, or how many opportunities to nurse I give him, my supply is heading south too… Knowing someone is having some version of the same issues is strangely comforting…. and yes, I have ingrown toenails… no, I’m not doing anything about it… yet….

  5. Twisted Cinderella says:

    I am with you on the way I feel these days. I was out at walmart today picking up Princess Belle’s birthday present and I realized I was standing there in fuzzy gym pants, an over-sized, formula-stained t-shirt, bare feet in my shoes, no make-up and hair that badly needs to be cut. I have never felt that frumpy ever! Oh well, Princess Magpie was dressed cute and nobody looks at me when she is there anyway. 🙂

  6. A'Dell says:

    I lost my keys with the special chip in them for three weeks. Was JUST ABOUT to fork over the money for new ones when I found them. Technology can sure suck sometimes.

    And I think Claire has Sydney’s problem from a few weeks back – we are in a no poop zone and it’s weird. No poop in days.

  7. morgan s says:

    Oh boy. I am feeling the frump, too. At least our kids are cute in whatever we dress them in – poop and all.

    What did they do to your toes so you will never have ingrown toenails again?! Maybe I need to sign up for that.

  8. C says:

    Except you look TOTALLY GORGEOUS in every picture I’ve seen of you! You have that defined-features, naturally-pretty, I-can-rock-it-like-Anne-Hathaway kind of beauty going that makes me wish I didn’t like you so much. (Because I’m a girl, and apparently that makes it hard to like pretty people? Being a girl sucks.) Plus, you have pretty much the world’s cutest baby.

    You need a spa day. Is the baking soda/vinegar thing not doing much for your hair?

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