USE YOUR WORDS

My daughter and I spent hours together this morning beginning at around 3 a.m.  Although neither of us spoke a word, we communicated VOLUMES.  Let me demonstrate:

Syd, via baby monitor: "grumble grumble."

Translation:  "Um, I think I peed.  Yep, I definitely peed.  Mamaaaaa!  Come and fiiiiiix eeeet!"

Me: "&#^@!"

Translation:  "Oh phooey it's 3 a.m.  My darling baby seems to have lost her pacifier.  Mama to the rescue!!"

Syd: "GRUMBLE GRUMBLE!"

Translation: "I DO NOT WANT MY PACIFIER MY PANTS ARE WET!  GOSH!"

Me:  "SIGH."

Translation:  *Asleep while hunched over side of the crib.*

Syd:  "WAH!"

Translation:  "WAKE UP MOM!  I PEEEEEEED!"

Me: "Huh?"

Translation:  "Oops. She lost her paci again, let me just wrestle pop that back in there!"

Syd: "BLAHWAH!"

Translation:  "WHAT IS THIS? AM I SPEAKING LATIN?  MY PAAAANTS ARE WEEEET."

Me: "Grumble."

Translation:  "Oh I see, you're hungry you silly little bunny.  I'll get you a bottle!"

Syd: "HOOOWAAAAH!"

Translation:  "Where are you going you crazy lady?! I. DO. NOT. WANT. MY. STUPID. PACI."

Me: "Eh?"

Translation:  "What, you're not hungry?  You're always hungry!  WHY AREN'T YOU SLEEPING I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY FREAKING MIND!"

Syd:  "MEEEEEHHHWAAAAAH!!!!!"

Translation:  "Now I've pooped.  Please for the love of God HELP ME WOMAN!"

Me:  "Grunt!"

Translation: "I will get this dang paci in her mouth if it's the last thing I do SO HELP ME."

Syd: "Pluhhhgrrrrwaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-ah-ah-waaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!"

Translation: "OH NO YOU DID NOT!"

Me: "UGHGRR!"

Translation: "Maybe if I just lie down here in the room with her for a minute she'll fall asleep.  Yes, that's it.  I'll let her cry it out for a few minutes."

Syd: "Aiiiieeeegggghhhnananananaaaaaaa!"

Translation:  "POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!  Did you hear me I said POOOOOOP!  I know you're in here.  I hear the bed springs squeaking."

Me:  "WAAAAAAAH!"

Translation:  "Maybe you pooped?  I'm starting to get desperate."

Syd:  "AEIIIIIIIGHHHHHHH!"

Translation:  "POOOP!"

So finally, at 3:19 a.m. I changed her poopie diaper.  Then tried to put her back down several times before changing another diaper, putting her in the Bjorn, feeding her a bottle, and bouncing on the big blue exercise ball until she fell asleep at roundabouts 4:59 a.m.  Which is a good thing for her father because I told myself that at 5 a.m. I was totally signing off, tagging out, throwing in the towel, and running away to join the circus.

Although my personality is terribly altered (I wonder if this is how any superheroes went bad?  If not, I need to WRITE that story), we lived to see another day.

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4 thoughts on “USE YOUR WORDS

  1. Ellie says:

    Nothing like a good poop story on a Monday morning 🙂
    (And, I’m glad we’re not the only ones with the big blue exercise ball. Many an hour we’ve spent bouncing on that wretched thing)

  2. Nora says:

    Oh my… no fun at all.

    Poop becomes such a natural conversation topic after kids. It’s been known to be discussed even at the dinner table at our house, which is both gross and sad.

  3. Lily says:

    Hahahahahaaaa. I’m not laughing at you, dear Manda, with you. Your story, retold is great. Need to do that – laugh – when my princesses wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

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