So up until yesterday there was some question about whether or not I am knocked up.
(I'm not. Don't freak out.)
(No, we weren't trying to get pregnant again already.)
(Married people are allowed to HAVE SEX by the way, it's NOT GROSS. Unless it's your parents, that is. *shudder*)
(Quite obviously, that's how babies are made. Even us. That one time they did it. EWWWW.)
(And sometimes, welp, married people are spontaneous too.)
ANYWAY. A few weeks ago the married people who live in our house (us) had a little (spontaneous) fun. And then? Soon after that? As in ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT? The
female member of the married couple (me) started showing signs that she
was ovulating. I know because of this book [which you women of the reproductive persuasion MUST read and then force all your lady friends to read. I am not so much into the birth control method it suggests but the medical info? Changed My Life] and because the last time things happened in this order? This arrived nine months later.
YOU GET THE POINT. There was a possibility that "oops! Might have just gotten pregnant!" And for a stretch of moments it was really, truly scary to think that we might be jumping back on the Pregnancy Truck and then welcoming a new member to our family before Syd even turns two. I'm not saying that if you pull a Britney Spears and have two kids very very close in age that there's anything wrong with you (unless you're also married to Kevin Federline and then shave your head and cover it up with a pink wig and smack cars with umbrellas, then yes, there IS something wrong with you). It's probably just not (ok it totally wasn't) how we imagined doing things in OUR family. And then again? It was exciting to think that the decision would be out of our hands, that our "plans" were being thwarted and we might be welcoming a new member to our family! Call us crazy, but we think our Sydney is amazingly awesome and wonderful and the coolest person out of all three of us BY FAR. So yeah, we want another one a-those!!
And so we hunkered down and waited.
And then I could take early pregnancy tests and they were negative. Oh well, we'll see!
And then my period was late. One day. Then two. Then three. Still negative.
Holy crap! What does this mean!? Where are the HORMONES up in this joint?
And then, yesterday, nature took its course. No baby on the way. And so I'm back to my goals. Lose another 15 pounds. Maybe train for and run a half-marathon? Get through coaching cross country in the fall … my first head-coaching position. Enjoy our baby girl a little bit longer. Get projects done. Enjoy the little routine we're (sorta) maintaining at our house. Plan a vacation this summer. Eat more dinners as a family. Get this little girl walking and talking. All good things.
I think we're a little sad. Despite the enormous, crazy INSANE life-change two children so close together in age would have represented to our (sometimes overbooked) family, we long for more sweet little spirits (and their spit up and poop laundry too) in our home. Over the past few weeks we've really had to have The Serious Talk about More Kids and at the end of it? All things considered? Even the scary things (most importantly being that Manda is the most complain-y expectant lady EVER)? We would have been thrilled to be pregnant right now.
And we will be thrilled when it's time (again).
Because this is all about "have" … and not "have not." And we have something awesome going over here. That's blowing our minds and molding us into the best possible versions of ourselves. That's teaching us the true meaning of the things that are so vastly more important than what we could come up with ourselves. And that, friends, is worth building on. Worth being thankful for. Worth it all (even the poop).