My sentences are too heavy JUST LIKE ME

As you can tell from reading the last post, the past couple weeks have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.  Since there was a teensy chance that I might have been pregnant (but I'm not!) I decided to unpop the top button on my jeans and ACT a little like I might actually BE pregnant and eat my weight in pasta and ice cream bars, bake up batches of brownies and butter cake, and also consume bowls of cereal the size of my head (at 11 p.m.).  You know, JUST IN CASE (and yes I realize that it was totally in violation of my pact to not be a total IDIOT the next time I get pregnant and gain 40 pounds and HURT MYSELF).

That being said, the scale told me on Monday that I'd gained 2.5 pounds in a week.

Just step back and take that in for a moment: TWO-POINT-FIVE POUNDS.  IN SEVEN DAYS.  When I go to the grocery store I don't even buy packages of ground beef THAT BIG. 

This, friends, is monumental because it marks the biggest gain – and lapse in "sticking to it" – that I've had in seventeen weeks.  For the last few weeks you've heard me gripe about the crapola I've been (happily) eating and then wanted to beat me down thanks to my complete and total shock (!!) when I hadn't gained weight!!  I'd even lost a half pound or two!  WOO!  I had a momentary thought that I'd actually figured out how to BEAT THE SYSTEM!  As in, "Yeah!  Take THAT, you dumb system!  I'll just eat only junk food and STILL lose weight and it'll be awesome and all those hippies that tell me to eat my vegetables (HI MOM!) will learn the folly of their ways!"

Oops.  I guess the hippies were right again.

My best guess is that all the bad eating I've done in the last few weeks has just finally caught up to me.  The whole packing up the television thing has had SO many advantages – and packed-up it's staying for a while longer! – but I haven't Shredded ONCE since we put it away, despite my promises to pop it into my laptop and work out that way.  And yes, while it's nice to shovel down three caramel brownies and wash them down with a Diet Coke, enough is enough.  I need something to keep me on the wagon (or at least a better excuse to eat junk food once in a while).

AND SO (drumroll please) I have made a decision not unlike the one I made six years ago to return to school to get my master's degree … something I swore I'd NEVER DO AGAIN after getting my B.A.  I have decided to train for (and run) a half-marathon sometime this fall.  I ran a half-marathon in 2004 as a part of a team that was raising money and although I was a serial jogger, I didn't train very well.  Actually, other than running 9 miles one day with the rest of my team and almost DYING, the only other training I did were my little jig-jogs (while spacing out with my headphones on of course) around the flat Illinois neighborhood where I lived.

Some might think that I've finally TRULY pulled a Britney Spears and "lost my dang mind, y'all!  WOO!"  but I assure you that I will not be busting out a pink wig anytime soon and also wear underwear EVERY DAY.  As a track coach (and coming this fall Head Varsity Cross-Country Coach!  YEAH!  FANCY!) it seems pertinent that I be, uh, a good example to the high school students that I coach and actually RUN once in a while.  Since I'm going to be like IN CHARGE of a whole TEAM (there are usually a whopping 8 kids on the XC team, by the way, so not too many students to for me to MESS UP, phew), I'd actually like to be able to run – on foot – with them!  Behind them!  Way back there!  And so that means that this summer I'm going to need to get my butt out there and TRAIN.  Because the only thing sadder than a pudgy track coach (me) is a cross-country coach who REFUSES TO RUN.  Sigh.

I have to admit that I'm really not excited, but at least I'm motivated.  Anyone know of any cool California-ish races coming up that are FUN and EASY (NO HILLS SO HELP ME) and also have GOOD SWAG?  One must have priorities (and proper motivation, might I add).  Because I'm not doing it unless I get free bagels and beer at the end.  Also a race t-shirt to wear to practices that does not have the date 1997 on it.  OOPS. 

If you're interested in carrying me through the race and totally running at a pace well below the one that you'd planned running with me … please, by all means, OUT THYSELF.


7 thoughts on “My sentences are too heavy JUST LIKE ME

  1. Lizzie says:

    Me, me! I want to run with you. I stopped losing weight and I am now stuck in the losing-and-gaining-the-same-pound-and-a-half mode.

    In fact, you’ve motivated me, and even though it’s only SEVEN IN THE MORNING, I’m getting my shoes on right now for a 5k jog with Lucy in the stroller. Wheee!

  2. Curiosity says:

    I pictured the weight I had gained in ground beef once.


    On the plus side, it sure made me less inclined to crave beef.

    (Maybe next time I’m up a bit I’ll picture it in chocolate chip milkshakes instead)

  3. Rachel says:

    I’m not familiar with California, I know the Big Sur is a great marathon, but I have no idea if they do a 1/2, or if it is in the fall.

    I highly recommend the Hal Higdon training program ( I did the novice plan and felt very prepared for my race.

  4. Sarah says:

    that’s great! I started running after my baby was born last summer, & am training for the SF 1/2 marathon – it’s the day before my son’s 1st birthday, which feels sort of perfect to me. I’ve also heard really good things about the San Jose Rock & Roll 1/2 marathon (on 10/04)

  5. Kara says:

    Hey…if I CAN DO IT…I seriously think anyone can do it. Wish I was in Cali to run the race with you!

  6. Danielle-Lee says:

    I am so with you. I need to start exercising again. I fell off the wagon. Sigh.
    the thought of how much weight (in ground beef)I’ve gained in the past 4 years disgusts me. Ick.

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