It's suddenly occurred to me that if I make a goal public, this means that I might actually have to get around to at least attempting to accomplish it. I'm remembering – before I've even bothered to get up off my butt and DO anything, mind you – that running hurts. Last night I laid in bed thinking of all kinds of wonderful excuses NOT to start running again. I mean, there's the fact that because my baby was so big that I now have scoliosis in my lower back! And there's that old tailbone injury that flares up when I work out too hard! And my feet! What about my poor, poor feet! My toenails are SO close to being somewhat NORMAL again! Do I REALLY want to jeopardize my chances at having cute summer feet again?! The 30 Day Shred really does the job after all. Maybe at my advanced age that is the best solution for me … 20 minute fitness (even though I have not cracked the DVD box open in a month). Yes. Working out in my pajamas is the best!
And then there's the whole thing about having to get up early to get a run in so as not to upset the delicate balance of SLEEP that my baby is CONSTANTLY tugging back and forth with these days: Do I REALLY want to chance accidentally waking her as I fumble around trying to get past her room and out of the house in the wee hours?! Because there is no way EVER that I am going to try to attempt to pack up a jogging stroller and a baby AND THEN run MILES. Because? That would end up lasting about half a day. Actually -4 days is more like it … I decide to just go ahead and quit just THINKING about running that way (I've done it … it can't be an everyday thing just yet. I have a jogging stroller. The thought just … nope).
I know. Pathetic.
Even more pathetic? Last night I baked ANOTHER cake. Because teenagers hang around my house sometimes and they might NEED a cake, you know? Because baked goods are teenager-friendly! And then! I might only eat ONE piece of cake and not HALF the cake!
WHO AM I KIDDING? If I don't start running soon I'll be waving hello again to all the pounds I lost two by two very VERY soon.
The funny thing about all this is that on smaller scales I don't seem to have a problem with goals, in a way I almost WELCOME them. Just a couple of days ago I decided that I was going to move some things around to create a workspace for John in our dining room area. It's something we've been talking about for a while. Within 30 minutes of deciding that I was going to do this … I DID IT. I just went for it. And we LOVE the result. Sure the work was kinda hard and the process wasn't necessarily easy (my goodness moving furniture around uncovers A LOT of dirt and dog hair. My Swiffer was in CONSTANT motion) but the end result was just so dang REWARDING. Same goes for cleaning out a closet (Yay for OOTLES!), losing 25 pounds, packing up our television … my point is that I KNOW that setting goals and then doing something about it is WORTH IT.
I'm a bit stuck. I'm procrastinating. I'm saying, "Oh, I'll start next Monday" and "Yeah, I'm on my period right now so I'm totally ALLOWED to eat cake and lounge around in my pajamas all day" and "I have a baby so this crap is HARDER for me" when I should be setting my alarm and lacing up my running shoes and just biting the bullet.
I hate it when I'm right.