The nurse just called. My progesterone levels yesterday were 1.81 (a normal pregnancy at this point would have a level of 20+. The presence of progesterone at all indicates that I was indeed pregnant, but that pregnancy was most definitely on its way out).  My Hcg level was at 9 … I forget what that means. She said that I need to go back for another Hcg blood test next week just to make sure that level is "normal."

I'm glad that my results weren't ambiguous. I'm glad that we can know without doubt what is going on with me. I am so thankful to have found such an amazing doctor with such a caring staff. The nurse was so kind on the phone and said "I'm so sorry" and also encouraged me to talk about what has happened because it happens to a lot of people, as awful as it is (I should have given her my blog address, ha ha.  If she only knew!). My doctor encouraged me in the same way yesterday. They are so awesome.

I am sad. I am wondering what the future holds. I am hopeful.

Thank you all for your encouragement and kind words in response to my post yesterday. I do not regret sharing what has happened because of the outpouring of support and the prayers you have said for our family. I hope that everyone who goes through something like this can feel the sympathy and/or empathy that I have felt the last few days.  

Today I am holding on to God's promises.

Psalm 4:6-8
Many are asking 'Who can show us any good?'
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.
I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.

Today I am thankful for the good things in my life.


There are so many.

26 thoughts on “Closure

  1. Manda says:

    Sending you my love, through tears.

    You have a beautiful family and I just hope that will help you get through this.

    E-kisses from Wisconsin Manda.

  2. Emily says:

    Thinking of you. I know you need the closure, I just wish you didn’t have to have it, you know? I love that our God gives us the opportunity to hope for more than we could ask.

  3. Shelby says:

    Oh Manda, my heart just aches for you. I’m so sorry this is the outcome. You’re in my prayers.

  4. Ellie says:

    I’m so so sorry.

    I’m glad the numbers are clear; I hope the physical healing at least is uncomplicated.

    And, again, thanks for sharing. Hopefully the love I see here from everyone helps even a tiny bit.

    With prayers,

  5. Nessa says:

    my heart breaks for you and cries for you. Thank you for sharing, I too retreat when things go wrong. I will be praying for all of you.

  6. maggie says:

    I’m sorry Manda. I waited to say anything, hoping to come up with something better than that, but I’ve got nothing. Thinking of you.

  7. Kristen says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I know you have wonderful friends and family to lean on at this time but I’ll be thinking of and praying for you. XOXO

  8. Robin Smith says:

    Amanda and John I am so sad. I am sad for you, for Grandma Sally & Melody, for Grandpa Paul, for cousin Robert, for all of us. At this moment there is nothing else to say. There will be much more to say as time goes by but for right now, this loss is just sad.

    Robin Smith

  9. Brandy says:

    I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you. This type of loss is never easy, early or not. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

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