You know, everyone talks about how doing the 30 Day Shred is a great way to build muscle and get into shape. People train for marathons and lift weights and do sit-ups and there always seem to be complaints about how it's so hard to fit workouts into everyday life. We want to be strong! Flexible! And yet? There's just no time! What's the solution? Well, folks, I've found the answer! There's a way to get a total-body workout in ONE DAY that will last you the rest of the week, if not the MONTH!
I think I'll call it "Take Your Toddler on A Flight." It's an idea I must patent.
Because? I've run a half-marathon. I've experienced 22 straight hours of labor. And it was nothing compared to flying with a toddler.
I wish I could describe to you in great detail about how our flights went. But if you don't currently have children you might decide not to have any. It was craziness. At face value, Sydney was an excellent traveler. She did her usual socializing … smiling and waving and telling her new friends on the plane all about all the noises that animals can make. She only cried once for a few minutes in utter exhaustion and pain when there was a change in altitude (that was on the way home, talk about feeling helpless! My heart was so broken as she clutched her ears and wailed. The other passengers experienced broken eardrums I'm sure … ours have become calloused to how loud Syd truly can be).
The rest of the time? She squirmed. She wiggled. SHE DID NOT NAP. She did not sit still for one solitary second, even when entranced by the Sesame Street free podcasts that my industrious sister-in-law had recommended that I download to my iPhone she flailed and grabbed at the screen, poking poking poking until the show inevitably paused or was whisked away by the command to go to the phone's menu. SIGH SIGH SIGH. John and I took turns reading and watching videos and feeding snacks until one person's abdominals or lower back or arms were burning unbearably. The flight was around three-ish hours. And the only comparable experience I can think of as I look back? BEING IN LABOR (except, you know, I could tag out with John).
The last time we flew with Syd she was around five months old … in other words? She was utterly totally portable and didn't have enough control over her body to cause much trouble. Last time? She nursed a little while or took her paci and then slept THE ENTIRE FLIGHT. Those were the good ole days. The days when we could fly and not feel pain in every single muscle from our toes to the top of our heads the following day. SIGH.
(And you know what REALLY scares me? The Sunday after Thanksgiving I'm flying home with her BY MYSELF, a situation I got myself into before I realized what I was doing. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?!)
(Somewhere Jillian Michaels is laughing hysterically. I can just hear her evil laugh in my head. I mean, seriously? I have to start working out in anticipation of surviving a plane trip with my 15-month-old? Can't you just hear Jillian yelling "I TRAIN 400 POUND MOTHERS WHO CAN TAKE THEIR BABIES ON FLIGHTS ALL BY THEMSELVES. SO CAN YOU.")