So let me paint you a little picture:
Before John got home yesterday, Juicy decided that clearly I was not worn out enough.
So he puked on his bed and all over the kitchen floor.
Now before you get all "Aww! Poor dog! He's sick!" let me assure you that NO, he is not sick. He ate grass. And half a cardboard raisin box (and probably? A raisin or two. Because he is a dirty-rotten counter-surfing thief! I try SO HARD to keep the raisins and grapes away from the dogs precisely because of barfing incidents SUCH AS THIS. Anyway). Would you like to know how I know what he ate? WOULD YOU?
So I put him outside so I can towel up the barf mess in the kitchen and wash his bed. He immediately starts barking. Syd, whose already had a touchy "quiet-timey" nap hears him and starts wailing "MAWMEEEEEEEEEEE!" and suddenly all hell is breaking loose.
Naptime attempt #1, quite obviously, is over. So I go get Syd and to keep her busy while I'm making her lunch I give her a squirt bottle and tell her to have fun squirting Juicy through the screen door. WHEE! Until she sprays down the entire living room, that is.
Lunch is ready. While Juicy barks at us the ENTIRE TIME my weirdo toddler eats two containers of applesauce, turns her nose up at some pasta and toast, and gorges herself on watermelon and grapes. Oh future diaper, how I fear thee! She finishes up lunch by flinging her last few grapes all over the place. Awesome.
After lunch I take her back to her room, un-stickify her and put her down to a successful nap. Juicy, who has quieted down, starts back in on me 10 minutes after she's fallen asleep. To get to him I have to sneak past my daughter's door (we have old, squeaky wood floors, btw). And then before I can let him in I have to clean up all of our lunch dishes and put everything away, not to mention find EVERY SINGLE GRAPE, take out the trash, clear the counters and start the dishwasher. Why do I have to do all that, you ask? May I remind you about the no-good-sneaky-dirty-rotten counter-surfing THIEF?
Finally I let him in. He bolts for his water bowl and drinks for at least three minutes nonstop, until his belly is bulging with water. He was thirsty. GREAT. ALL I NEED IS A LITTLE GUILT SPRINKLED IN THIS SITUATION. I get him a blanket since his bed is in the washer, lock him in the kitchen, then go collapse into my own bed.
CraigsList ad soon to follow. How's this photo?