Today I got it into my head that it was time to organize my underwear drawer. The last few days I've found myself digging around in the wadded-up mess of my skivvies for the same 5 pairs of large-and-in-charge cotton comfies that are a necessary evil at this point in pregnancy. As I look closer it seems that I have this huge drawer that houses what represents my life as an adult woman. My fingers get hooked in the mesh pants that I stole wore home from the hospital with Sydney and things that you have to turn around a few times just to figure out how they go on that haven't seen the outside of the drawer for YEARS.
It's been long overdue for me to clean out things that are too small, stretched out, worn out and/or holey. So those were the first things I culled out. When I was done I was left with a shamefully small pile, which can be divided into the following categories:
The largest pile: Boring, cotton, buy-in-bulk at Target Mom-derwear.
The second largest pile: Pull up to your bra and down to your knees they are so big post-partum panties that would make granny proud.
And then? Three small piles:
Cute things in non-cotton material that still cover all: Color! Lace! Fun-derwear! Things to wear under sweatpants/jeans to make me feel secretly cuter! Even though they will probably give me a huge wedgie and be replaced by Mom-derwear by lunchtime!
Ahem: The Things That Barely Leave The Drawer and Most Certainly Will Never, Ever Leave The Bedroom.
The final (and smallest) pile: Thongs. Grand total? 4. Haven't even worn all of them once. I might as well put them in a box labeled "For panty-line emergencies ONLY."
When I was a younger, childless woman (with a much smaller fanny) I actually enjoyed going to Victoria's Secret. I would paw voraciously through the semi-annual sale piles looking for Cute Things! Weekend Thongs! I would pay upwards $5 for ONE PAIR of panties (instead of $5 for a pack of THREE PAIRS that extend my laundry cycle THREE MORE GLORIOUS DAYS!). These days I only go into Victoria's Secret to check out their new styles of pajama pants and/or sweatpants. And that's about once a year. Maybe.
Now the underpants I get excited about shopping around for are Training Pants with Dora or Elmo on them. In size 3T. For the shorty. I'm lucky if I even grab the right size of underpants for MYSELF in emergency laundry situations. I once accidentally got a thong because my daughter (unbeknownst to me) grabbed one off the rack at Target and HUNG IT AROUND HER NECK. It just happened to be the right size so I non-chalantly took off her necklace and tossed it on the belt at the register like, OH YEAH, I MEANT TO DO THAT and I TOTALLY KNEW MY TODDLER HAS BEEN WEARING A LACY THONG AROUND HER NECK FOR THE LAST 25 MINUTES. I shop online for nursing bras and tanks and fantasize about having an unlimited budget for underwear that is comfortable and purely utilitarian.
Oh how times (and underwear) change. I'm glad they do.
(But that won't stop me from dropping a few bucks on some updates this winter.)
(Somewhere – I'm sure – my husband is doing a Happy Dance.)
Has your underwear drawer changed much from pre-kids to post-kids?