My underwear drawer: An anthropological perspective

Today I got it into my head that it was time to organize my underwear drawer. The last few days I've found myself digging around in the wadded-up mess of my skivvies for the same 5 pairs of large-and-in-charge cotton comfies that are a necessary evil at this point in pregnancy. As I look closer it seems that I have this huge drawer that houses what represents my life as an adult woman. My fingers get hooked in the mesh pants that I stole wore home from the hospital with Sydney and things that you have to turn around a few times just to figure out how they go on that haven't seen the outside of the drawer for YEARS.

It's been long overdue for me to clean out things that are too small, stretched out, worn out and/or holey. So those were the first things I culled out. When I was done I was left with a shamefully small pile, which can be divided into the following categories:

The largest pile: Boring, cotton, buy-in-bulk at Target Mom-derwear.

The second largest pile: Pull up to your bra and down to your knees they are so big post-partum panties that would make granny proud.

And then? Three small piles:

Cute things in non-cotton material that still cover all: Color! Lace! Fun-derwear! Things to wear under sweatpants/jeans to make me feel secretly cuter! Even though they will probably give me a huge wedgie and be replaced by Mom-derwear by lunchtime!

Ahem: The Things That Barely Leave The Drawer and Most Certainly Will Never, Ever Leave The Bedroom.

The final (and smallest) pile: Thongs. Grand total? 4. Haven't even worn all of them once. I might as well put them in a box labeled "For panty-line emergencies ONLY."

When I was a younger, childless woman (with a much smaller fanny) I actually enjoyed going to Victoria's Secret. I would paw voraciously through the semi-annual sale piles looking for Cute Things! Weekend Thongs! I would pay upwards $5 for ONE PAIR of panties (instead of $5 for a pack of THREE PAIRS that extend my laundry cycle THREE MORE GLORIOUS DAYS!). These days I only go into Victoria's Secret to check out their new styles of pajama pants and/or sweatpants. And that's about once a year. Maybe.

Now the underpants I get excited about shopping around for are Training Pants with Dora or Elmo on them. In size 3T. For the shorty. I'm lucky if I even grab the right size of underpants for MYSELF in emergency laundry situations. I once accidentally got a thong because my daughter (unbeknownst to me) grabbed one off the rack at Target and HUNG IT AROUND HER NECK. It just happened to be the right size so I non-chalantly took off her necklace and tossed it on the belt at the register like, OH YEAH, I MEANT TO DO THAT and I TOTALLY KNEW MY TODDLER HAS BEEN WEARING A LACY THONG AROUND HER NECK FOR THE LAST 25 MINUTES. I shop online for nursing bras and tanks and fantasize about having an unlimited budget for underwear that is comfortable and purely utilitarian.

Oh how times (and underwear) change. I'm glad they do.

(But that won't stop me from dropping a few bucks on some updates this winter.)

(Somewhere – I'm sure – my husband is doing a Happy Dance.)

Has your underwear drawer changed much from pre-kids to post-kids?


7 thoughts on “My underwear drawer: An anthropological perspective

  1. Erica says:

    I remember those Victoria’s Secret days too. I finally just chucked a bunch of crappy Old Navy cotton undies that I bought for pregnancy/post partum. I actually have been wearing cuter undies that I purchased at TJ Maxx, just can’t swallow those VS prices anymore.

  2. Life of a Doctor's Wife says:

    Well, I don’t have kids, but I have definitely undergone an underwear transition over the years. I used to wear all thongs all the time. Now I am all about comfort. But I still patronize VS now and again – despite the fact that their lacy underthings fall apart in about two months.

  3. seekingclarav says:

    Has my underwear drawer changed much pre to post……UM YEAH. I now buy the 3 packs of “bikini” briefs from Old Navy but there ain’t nothin bikini about them. Right now I am between sizes so the mediums are giving me slight side splurge and the larges have to be folded down a bit in the back so as to avoid wrinkly cheek under too tight maternity jeans. Plus the excess fabric created an insta-wedgie.

    I pretended to like thongs for 5 seconds in my 20’s then quickly came to my senses. I want to be the hot mom in a thong it’s just they are so friggen impractical for me. AND you have to pay more for less fabric. whaaa?

    I almost peed reading the part about Sydney wearing one around her neck.

  4. Vanessa says:

    Manda, you crack me up! I actually felt a pang of longing for my old maternity knickers. Man, they made me feel safe… all “harnessed” and protected.

    Thinking of you and sending great baby-boy-birth vibes to you 🙂

  5. ANNIE says:

    Oh I used to LOVE shopping at Victoria’s Secret. Love love love. Well, except for that one time that I was standing in line and looked behind me to find two of MY STUDENTS right there behind me. Two of my students from my high school RELIGION CLASS…at which point I balled up the thongs I was holding tightly in my hands so that they couldn’t be seen and did my very best to keep the shades of red warming across my face to a minimum. OH YES there has been a transition, but I’ve recently discovered that the transition has involved more than just my underwear drawer, but my entire wardrobe. One thing has remained the same, though – I still like pretty. It’s nice to have something that no one else knows about to help you feel at least a little pretty when you’re dragging your children through Target in sweats and a Baby Fluids stained t-shirt on a no shower day, you know?

  6. melody a. huddle says:

    When I was a teenager, the thing was to roll your hair up in large rollers and put cotton granny pants over the curlers. The next day your hair would be curly and groovy. I didn’t hear the part about using cotton grannies, instead I used nylon grannies. Have you ever seen a cartoon of a persons hair sticking straight out? Well on that Monday morning I went to high school with electrical hair. Granny pants are useful in many ways, and they fit all. Have fun. Love Mama

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s