You sneeze and that makes you pee your pants a little. And then your mind screams "OH NO DID YOUR WATER JUST BREAK?!" And, no, it did not. Repeat ten times per hour.
Hello, stabbing pain in the crotch!
Contractions make you poop. Betcha didn't know THAT!
Everywhere you go (which, let's face it, is Target) people say "Woah! You're ready!" And they've been saying this since you were 7 months pregnant. But now? You get to say "Yep! Four days!" and people give you high-fives because, yes, you clearly ARE awesome.
Strenuous activities such as "sleeping in your bed at night" or "watching tv on the couch" or even the Olympic event of "folding a load of laundry" cause stabbing, horrible Charlie horses. In your butt.
You have two articles of clothing that actually cover your entire belly. And they are leftover t-shirts from your daughter's uncle's college football camps. And yes, they are football-player sized. And yes, your husband (who is 6 feet tall and 180 pounds) swims in them when HE wears them but NOT YOU. All 5'4" and blah dee blah pounds of YOU.
Hello corner that has been in your house the entire 3 years you've lived there! Thank you for the broken toe! Good thing painkillers are soon on the way, eh!?
Your two-year-old knows something's up. And so? NAPS ARE FOR SUCKERS.
You are using a beach towel for a bath towel. Yup.
Nobody says boo to you when you get caught cramming Double Stufs into your craw at the kitchen counter. NOBODY.
You are down to one pair of "shoes" that fit and they are … Flip flops.
Have you ever been kicked in the throat from the INSIDE? I have … three times since I started writing this.
You know your big, tall, romantic sleigh bed? That thing has been disassembled and put into storage in favor of a $36 mattress frame from Costco that puts your bed height 6 inches from the floor. So you can get in and out to pee (most of the time unsuccessfully … your body says "pee! I demand it!" and you get to the toilet at three am and NOTHING).
Suddenly everyone is posting links about death and c-sections and stillbirth and circumcision and you're up at night worrying and dismissing and weighing and fretting.
Your life is consumed with the thought of baby! Baby!! BABY!!! Will you ever see that sweet face? Smell that baby head? EVER?!
Your days are paced out in "days until."
And? Days until: 4.
p.s. Today is my last Style Lush post until January (hooray for maternity leave!). I need your help with some last-minute baby purchases, so would you mind clicking over and see if you can help me out? Thanks!!