A conversation with my hair

My hair: "You're destined to wear me in a ponytail with a headband FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."

Me: "No. I'm going to do something. I'm going to get you done."

My hair: "Let's face it. You're attached to me. All you're going to do is get a trim."

Me: "NO! I CAN DO THIS! Maybe BANGS! Maybe I'll cut you ALL OFF and dye you BLONDE! THAT'LL SHOW YOU!"

My hair: "Stop shouting. You need me. If you cut me off then you'll look like a fat pinhead."

Me: "I'm on Weight Watchers. I won't look this way forever you know."

My hair: "YES YOU WILL. Also. Your husband will no longer find you attractive if I am above shoulder length."

Me: "But he told me I can do whatever I want with you and he won't care!"

My hair: "He's lying! Your hair is all you have left! You can't wear your wedding rings because you have sausage hands! You barely keep your toenails painted anymore! If you part with me YOU ARE DONE FOR!"

Me: "But…"

My hair: "No. No 'buts.' If you cut me off you will have Mom Hair. You might as well go out and get that minivan you've been trying to avoid. YOU ARE NOT COOL ANYMORE."

Me: "But what is the point of you? I don't even bother blow drying you anymore because you do not behave. Half of you is gone. What's left is totally out of control."

My hair: "It's your fault, not mine. You're the one who had to go and mess me up by having BABIES."

Me: "I like babies."

My hair: "Don't change the subject!"

Me: "Hair? I'm breaking up with you."


9 thoughts on “A conversation with my hair

  1. Elsha says:

    Ah yes. I have been having that same conversation with my hair. Only it’s in a bun with a headband, because it’s long enough now that pony tails give me a headache.

  2. Courtney says:

    You would so cute with a blonde kinda spiky pixie like cut! I have been wanting to shave mine own off.

  3. Clara says:

    Ohmygod that was funny! I used to have really short hair, it takes some getting used to but me thinks it would look cute! Go for it!

  4. Caci says:

    I too would like to know what qualifies as “mom hair”! So please, comment if you know. When I hear that term I think of hair unkempt. I’m a mom of 2! Trust me, I have what I
    consider “mom hair” a few days out of the week. I
    have a hard time accepting that short hair is “mom hair”. There are a lot of really stylish short hair cuts that stylish moms ROCK! I find myself being tempted to cut my locks off everytime I see one!

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