The past few weeks have been depressing weigh-in wise. I've waffled between trying really hard to stay on track with healthy eating (and doing awesome!) and totally tossing the baby out with the bathwater and shoveling cookies down my pie-hole two at a time (Pie! That sounds good!).
The main issue I feel like I'm struggling with right now is nursing and Weight-Watching. Guys? I'm hungry ALL THE TIME. And since the baby has been experiencing A LOT of growth over the past few weeks, you guessed it, he's nursing almost non-stop. It's crazy. I eat a normal-sized dinner, practically lick the plate, and yet? Five minutes later I'm starving again and could eat second helpings of everything. Last week I found this to be really depressing for some reason. There I am, ten o'clock at night, chugging a huge glass of water and nibbling on a Fiber One bar and practically burning a hole through my fridge door because I know there are leftover red beans and rice in there and THAT IS WHAT I REALLY WANT.
So you know what I did this week? I tried listening to my body. When it told me I was hungry, I ate. I did my best to keep myself hydrated. I did not count one single point. I decided that if I gained even more weight I didn't care. I was tired of being depressed for gaining weight and on top of it being hungry. I made healthful meals, but I also allowed myself indulgences when I needed them. And you know what? I needed a few extra pieces of pizza and a hot chocolate AND a cinnamon roll on Saturday night. For the past two weeks I have nursed my son almost non-stop, every two hours or so, only getting a six-ish hour break at night. I have been tired and stressed out. I cut myself a freaking break for once.
I was really not looking forward to stepping on the scale yesterday because I'd totally thrown caution to the wind. I didn't know what to expect.
But the wind threw a little caution back at me:
Now, yes, I know that this doesn't seem like anything significant. It puts me back to the same weight that I've been at for two other weigh-ins. But this past week has taught me that it's ok to listen to my body when it's hungry. It's ok. My friend Annie actually wrote a really inspiring post about that this week. While I don't think I need to indulge as much as I did this week (I am definitely an emotional eater), I think I need to realize that my body is "on duty" right now … I am providing a baby with his only form of sustenance. He's growing SO WELL and I need to be proud of the little Michelin Man he's become! The last time I did Weight Watchers I was done nursing Sydney and the weight just fell off fast. It was really encouraging and I think I only had one or two weeks of plateau and one of gain after I'd already lost 20+ pounds.
I need to remind myself that my body is in a different state these days. That the weight has to come off more slowly and I am more dependent on food as a form of fuel right now than ever. I need to remind myself that exercising has to become some part of my routine, even if it's just pushing my giant stroller down to the coffee shop for a skinny decaf latte (I also did that this week and it was very good for the soul).
All this being said, I've also realized that I probably won't win The Biggest Blogging Loser. Even though I am a very competitive person, I'm totally ok with that. Which makes me realize even more that I am doing this for the right reasons: For my health. For my family. For myself.