Well, big shock, I'm here to tell you I gained weight this week.
I'm pretty down about this whole idea that I can't lose the weight I want to right now. I'm so tired from being awoken at 4 or 5 every morning by my little boyfriend that I've pretty much said "Screw you!" to my diet. Not only am I not counting points, I'm not even bothering to try to eat healthy. If there's a carb in my house, I have shoveled it down my gullet.
On Sunday night my husband was out of town and I was exhausted and lonely and feeling sorry for myself so I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies. Save the two dozen I gave to a neighbor, I ate most of the rest. Every time I went into the kitchen I grabbed two, shoved them in my mouth and hoovered the crumbs off the palms of my hands. Yesterday I stood at the stove and ate 5 pieces of a frozen pizza while swaying and trying to soothe a grumpy baby who needed a nap (have I mentioned that my son refuses to nap during the day unless he's strapped to my body, or in my arms, or has a boob in his mouth? To say that I'm behind on my chores would be a severe, laughable understatement). I shotgun Fiber One granola bars two at a time. All I eat is carbs and I am still hungry all the time. I consider it a victory if I get any semblance of dinner on the table at all, who has the time to calculate the points value of a recipe or worry about whether it has potatoes or empty calories? Who has time to chop vegetables and then time to EAT said vegetables (food that must be chewed! Imagine that!). NOT ME.
And don't even mention working out. If you think I am going to waste precious naptime working out you are sorely mistaken. And let me just remind you that it has been four months since I got through an entire shower without a baby melting down into a screamy temper tantrum because for 10-15 minutes I cannot be seen and more importantly he is not being held. Heaven help me.
There has to be a happy medium. A balance. I just can't find it yet. I am waiting to hit my stride. WHEN will it happen? GAH.