Bowing out

I haven't slept much in the last few weeks. As I so eloquently WHINED in my last post (that I banged out on my iPhone while – what else?! – nursing Elijah) I am spread thin lately. Today I was supposed to take Syd in for her 2.5 year checkup … totally biffed and forgot. I haven't seen my planner for days and finally found it shoved on the bookshelf today. I needed to enter some upcoming wedding dates and The Blathering and yup, there it was: the doctor appointment I had missed TWO HOURS EARLIER.

Sometimes I just want to yell at myself "GET IT TOGETHER WOMAN!" But until I get some rest it's probably futile. So, yeah, see you in like 18 years when both kids are off to college.

Anyhow, I mentioned my son's complete lack of sleep to our Mommy & Me teacher yesterday and she was like "Oh yeah! The four-month sleep regression!" And I was like "WHA?" How do people KNOW all these things? In my defense, my son IS drooling like Buckingham Fountain and gnawing on everything he can get his hands on so assuming it's teething wasn't a total crazy illogical leap. But then I mentioned the same thing to my SIL and she was like "Oh yeah! Bella [my niece] did the same thing!" I guess I need to check my archives to see if Syd did this when she was four months. I would but I AM TOO TIRED. GAH.

Being tired effects me in every possible way. I have no motivation to shower, dress myself, put on makeup, make dinner, clean the house, do the laundry and so it comes as no surprise that I cannot get myself together enough to remember Real Adult Responsibilities either. Sheesh. I am spiraling into the madness in which I am too depressed to try to go to bed at a reasonable hour because it's really, really depressing to be awoken by a little baby like 45 minutes after you turn in for the night (or worse? To go to bed having no idea how many times you'll be up over the course of the night). When I'm tired I'm hungry and I'm too lazy to make myself something healthy to eat. By the time I have all the Little People fed, diapered, cleaned up, put down for nap or bed, taken to the playground or whatever it is, sometimes the best I can do is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a frozen pizza, or a plate of microwaved nachos. On good days I throw something in the crock pot, but it always seems to go in late (I'll routinely start it at lunch time when I was supposed to start it at breakfast time).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I dropped out of Biggest Blogging Loser officially today. I was on the couch last night with my Ben & Jerry's sneering at Jillian Michaels who was challenging me and America to go Pound for Pound and I was like ENOUGH. I feel bad about it and know that I need to right this ship and start exercising and taking better care of myself. BUT I AM SO TIRED. I keep thinking that I'll go for it again when Elijah is nursing less (he starts solids any day now) and sleeping better. I know that one of these days I'll dig up that damn 30 Day Shred DVD and start kvetching about doing push-ups on Twitter once more. But today is not that day.

In fact? I'm not even sure that I've eaten anything of substance today. So in the name of survival? I'm going to go and take care of that quickly and not worry too much about the calorie count. Because someone's fussing in his bouncy chair and someone else is screaming for MORE DORA while trying to clobber her brother in his bouncy chair GOD HELP ME.


8 thoughts on “Bowing out

  1. A'Dell says:

    I totally missed a couple of doctor’s appts the first few months with Claire. I even showed up ON THE WRONG DAY once.

    It is unbelievable was sleep deprivation does to a normally organized person.

  2. Jen says:

    I cannot even blame you. You’re doing your best, and with a 4 month old and a 2 year old, you’ve just got to get through the day with enough energy to make it through standing up! Hang in there lady…the sleep will come again! (Remind me of that when I am kvetching on Twitter about not sleeping at all when this new baby arrives, okay?

  3. Ali V says:

    I dropped out too this week, and your reasons are sooooo much more important than mine (nuturing new amazing human being v. frantic work schedule and frantic reno to put house on market). I think this just wasn’t the right moment for me. I’m still trying of course, but I think beating myself up every Monday when my progress is so so slow compared to others, may not be the best strategy for me. I’m sure the right time will come for both of us. Later. When there is sleep….sleeeeeeep!

  4. Rachel says:

    I remember that overwhelmed feeling, it stinks!

    Can one of the students you work with stop over for an hour a couple times a week to give you some reprieve? Maybe watch Elijah so you can take Sydney to the park or shower or cook a decent meal. There is a girl at our church who does that and it is so helpful.

    Anyway, you are not alone. Hang in there!

  5. Elsha says:

    Totally legit reason for dropping out of BBL.

    Also, about the sleep thing, I know you didn’t ask for suggestions, but here’s one thing that helped us. I would go to bed at 9 and Brian would deal with the baby until 11. Sometimes the baby would sleep in the bouncer, other times he cried the whole time. (He fed him pumped milk or formula if he needed it.) That way I could count on a full two hours of sleep before I had to deal with the baby again. Worked wonders.

  6. Courtney says:

    Remember it is OKAY to let your kids wail for a bit. Put them both somewhere safe and go and take that DANG shower!! Put on real clothes and maybe some mascara. You know you will feel so much better! As for the exercise-put them both in a stroller (don’t remember if you have a double or not) or put Elijah in a front carrier and just GET OUT! I cannot tell you how many times I went around the block with a newborn and a 1 year old screaming and wailing the whole time. But you know what? I felt better!!! Remember this too shall pass!

  7. Mary says:

    My 4 month old has also started drooling and gnawing on his hands and I’m attributing it to teething, though I don’t expect to see teeth for a few more months. My first baby was the same way. We’ve also been having sleeping troubles and I’ve had to resort to letting him sleep in the swing during the day. He would nurse all the time too except I resort to giving him 5 oz of formula two or three times a day. I’ve had supply issues so I had been attributing his seemingly insatiable appetite to not making enough milk. But maybe it’s just a 4 month thing. Seriously though, maybe you should incorporate some formula. Then your husband could share the burden a bit at night. And maybe Elijah would sleep for longer stretches. Hang in there 🙂

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