Coming up short.

I have a lot to say. I have a lot of catching up to do. I have things to tell you about the 13.1 miles I ran a week and a half ago!

But right now I'm just … empty.

Our life is a little crazy right now. Right before the race Sydney developed bacterial pneumonia in her left lung. She was pretty sick for two weeks, and for the record having a doctor look me in the eye and tell me that my daughter most definitely had pneumonia is now on my "Worst Moments In Life" list. My family came into town to celebrate Christmas with us and to run and volunteer at the race. And now we are back to the grind of preschool and activities. I can't seem to catch my breath. I can't seem to get ahead. My house is a wreck. The kids randomly quit napping last week and go to bed at 6:30 because I don't have the fight to wrestle them back into routine right now. John is working long hours and has set up an office in the garage. We do a lot of stepping around each other these days and it sucks, both of us trying to get ahead on work and failing miserably. Today Sydney cut a chunk out of her own bangs at school and so I had to spend the afternoon at the kids' hair salon getting her bangs whacked a LOT too short to even out the damage.

I am tired. And now I'm training for a marathon. And that's daunting and in my face and I keep waiting to wake up one morning and feel rested and walk into a clean kitchen and be all ready to put my shoes on and tackle it but I need to somehow square with the facts: It ain't gonna happen. At least not anytime soon. I am going to run tired. My kids are going to wake up in the night before I have to do a long run. I'm not going to feel like running sometimes. I am going to have to fight for this. I feel accomplished for running the half marathon but I am also very aware that it's not enough right now. This journey is not even close to finished.

I want to keep my mind on the fight.

I want to keep running.

But I also want to crawl under a rock and hide for a week.

I don't know what this is. I keep wondering if maybe it's normal to get depressed after you run a big race. I keep thinking that maybe I'll be able to turn a corner soon and find a spare minute to write my Big! Race! Post! But life is piling up hard these days, man.

Hope to get out from under the pile soon.

Love,

Manda

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6 thoughts on “Coming up short.

  1. SUPAHMAMA says:

    I think after any big surge of endorphins/adrenaline you get to see the bottom of the valley emotions wise. It’s not abnormal, and life will go on. Even if you don’t do the dishes.

  2. Hillary says:

    I’m not a runner but my husband is, and he always gets super self-critical after a race. Which I think is his version of depression.

  3. melody a huddle says:

    Most of John’s school pictures had a big chunk out of his bangs. Sydney is still beautiful and grandmas’ Princess girl. I miss you all and will be home soon. Grandma

  4. Home Sweet Sarah says:

    Aww, I know you may feel like you’re coming up short, but you’re not. You’re an awesome mom and wife and runner and blogger. Trust. I hope you get out of the funk soon. And I hope you get some SLEEP.

  5. Jesabes says:

    After a half-marathon I’d definitely want a break and to have to keep going on marathon training must be hard. I hope you can get some sleep and start feeling the training more soon!

    P.S. When did you put a new picture of yourself on your sidebar? I LOVE it!

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