“While we have you open.”

When I visited the perinatologist last week he noticed my belly
button … it has come unattached and kind of teepees out in a weird
outie. I used to have a pretty deep innie (and a six pack! But let's
have a moment of silence for those another day!). This is what happens
to you when you have a ten-and-a-half pound baby girl people! My belly
button doesn't hurt, and it doesn't appear that anything important is
poking through, and so I've learned to deal with it. Even when I lost
all the weight and was all manner of fit, there was no way I wanted my
shirt coming up. My friend wants me to do maternity photos (and she does BEAUTIFUL maternity photos), but … that bellybutton is AWKWARD y'all. I just uploaded a photo of it and then deleted it, you are welcome for that. I'm not really into showing it off. It already protrudes through all my shirts like an extra nippIe. ATTRACTIVE!

However, my
perinatologist said – unprompted – that he could very easily fix it with three stitches while I'm on the
table this July (we are having another c-section, it's not even a discussion and I am GREAT with that). He said to just have my OB call him up to the OR – as his office is just a floor below the obstetrics wing of the hospital – "while they had me open." That kind of blew me
away … it had never occurred to me that it could be fixed. And do I
want it fixed? Does a bear crap in the woods?! OF COURSE I DO!

And
so when I went to see my OB on Monday I mentioned it to him. He said
that we'd just have to keep it in mind and try to schedule my surgery on
a Saturday because that's when our peri is around to do such things (and apparently? He's the only doctor on staff at that hospital who can do such a thing). Sweet! And then he asked me in a kind official way if I
wanted my tubes tied "while they had me open."

Our answer is (and has been) firmly "no" from the beginning. We knew this question would come up and we've talked about it a lot, and we can't decide. We have not decided whether or not we want more kids (believe me, I know how crazy this sounds. I can barely handle the two I HAVE) and because of my age – I'll be 33 when the baby is born, not too old! – we don't want to commit to anything permanent. I don't feel right about it. It would indeed be convenient to not have to deal with birth control for the rest of my life, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the rest of my life to begin just yet, you know?

And it is totally weird, by the way, to have these discussions with people. It is bizarre to me that there are so many options available to me while I go in to the hospital to have a baby. When Elijah was born the doctor who stepped in for my doctor (he was on vacation the weekend before my planned c-section, when OF COURSE I went into labor) burned some fibroids off my uterus before they closed me up. Hey thanks! And this all brings me to the realization that I could go into labor sooner than planned AGAIN – and NOT on a Saturday – and won't get to get my wonky belly button fixed. Baby? Do you hear me? MAMA WANTS HER INNIE BACK.

Of course the other night as we were getting ready for bed we talked about it again and my husband said that he was surprised I didn't want it done (we have a strict policy at our house: Each person makes final decisions about his or her own body after discussing it with the other person). "Three kids," he said, "is a lot of kids." And oh boy do we have no idea how right he is.

So, c-section friends? Did you have your tubes tied? Did you pass? How did you know it was the right decision? Did you have it done and then regret it?

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13 thoughts on ““While we have you open.”

  1. larmar says:

    Well, it’s not tubes tied, but Paul is making an appointment to get things taken care of on HIS end sometime soon. I wanted more than three, but each pregnancy takes a harder tole on my body, and I am DONE. I don’t want to have to tell THREE kids, hold on, mommy will be right back, in 4 months…. it was hard enough with two. So, yes, three will be it for us.

  2. agirlandaboy says:

    My husband went to his mandatory vasectomy class this week, and while he’s adamant about having no more kids, he said the whole thing made him feel…weird. Which is how I feel. I like what you say about not wanting the rest of my life to start just NOW.

  3. Jenny says:

    You sound pretty uncertain so I wouldn’t do anything permanent if I were you. There are lots of choices nowadays….we use mirena (iud) and love love love it and it bought us 5 yrs of decision making time. I don’t think it’d be wise either to make a permanent decision like that when your baby is under a year, (bc you know of the sleep deprivation and wild hormones). My friend had a tubal ligation (after her 6th kid!) and it was an outpatient procedure and she was up and about that afternoon. She said it was no big deal.

  4. Jackie says:

    I’ve never had a c-section so I don’t have the “while you’re open” option but I don’t think I would if I did. Awhile ago I happened upon a post about Post Tubal ligation Syndrome and have done some addition research since. It’s not something I ever want to experience so we’ll be going another route when we decide we are done having babies.

    http://extraordinary-ordinary.net/category/ptls/

  5. Jennifer says:

    I’ve never had a c-section but I did talk with my drs already about the possibility of it happening this time & if it does: tie me UP. But we are 100% sure we’re done. No questions in my head about it, and none for Dan. So that makes the decision easier, obviously! It’s not always black & white for everyone! And if I don’t need a c-section (most likely scenario given my.history but you never know!) then Dan is already prepared to take care of things on his end. I told him he’s not getting NEAR me until he takes care of business 😉 (we are extremely fertile & I’m paranoid & also DONE DONE DONE making humans. Ha)

  6. A'Dell says:

    If this was me (as I am not a marathon ass-kicked like you) they’d also be offering me a tummy tuck while I was open. WHICH I WOULD ACCEPT, OH HO YES.

    I’m like Jen, we’re done done done DONE and there aren’t any lingering thoughts and WOW IS THAT NICE after seven years of questions on the topic.

    I can’t wait to meet this little girl!

  7. AnnabelleSpeaks says:

    That is so cool they can just fix the belly button thing while they’re in there. Though I kind of wonder what it came unattached from in your previous pregnancy. Or what they’ll attach it to now to stick it back in? Bodies are weird.

  8. Michelle says:

    I did have a c-section and I did have my tubes tied. I will admit to having brief moments of, well, I won’t call them regret but rethinking of that decision. But, I know logically, two makes sense for us. I am adamant about that 99% of the time in fact. There is just that 1% that sometimes creeps in. I can live with that. It was also nice to have the decision made. Just done and not have to worry about it anymore. They asked me many, many, many times if I was sure though asking a pregnant woman who hates being pregnant might be the best idea because I was very, very sure then.
    If you don’t feel ready, I wouldn’t do it.

  9. Temerity Jane says:

    We are very, very, very, very, VERY sure that we want Penelope to be our only child.

    We are also very, very, very, very, VERY aware that I’m only 31 years old.

    Blllaaagghhh, right?

  10. Lizzie says:

    I am anti permanent decision. It’s just so… PERMANENT. And we’re so YOUNG. I always come back to the fact that I have no idea what 5 years from now will be like. What if and what if and what about and what if? Three kids is a lot of kids. But it’s so HARD to say that it’s the END. (I’m struggling with this too, can you tell??) I’m all for delaying hard decisions as long as possible.

  11. Rachel says:

    I had no idea they could fix a belly button, wonder if they could make one that has always been an outie an innie?

    After our 3rd child we chose not to have my tubes tied. Before we had children we agreed that we would never do anything to permanently end our chances for having children. My last delivery was tough though and ended with an emergency c-section and I’m not really wanting to go through that again. The IUD is a non-hormonal method of birth control and if you ever changed your mind, it can be removed at any time.

  12. Elsha says:

    We definitely don’t feel done at three, but when we are done for sure we’ll make things permanent on Brian’s end. I feel like pregnancy/newborn phase is too emotional time a time to make those kinds of decisions (for me anyway) so I don’t think I could ever say yes to tubes tied during a c-section.

  13. K says:

    Hey! I just got my tubes tied (this isn’t spam, I promise) and it totally happened to be a “while we have you open” thing as it was a secondary procedure to the original reason I was being knocked out.

    T and I knew we were done, but that opinion definitely evolved over a few years. Bottomline: we’re old (I’m 37, he’s 45) and the last delivery was kind of a dooozy–one we’re not sure we have it in us to repeat. Also, our family of four feels like perfection and like no one is missing.

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