There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light

Today I went on an ugly run.

I am out of shape. As I dressed in my running clothes my daughter wailed "I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO RUNNING!" And in my head I was like, "ME TOO KID!"

As I walked out the door my son screamed "MAMA!" I could hear him yelling and banging on the door as I walked down the block.

I couldn't find my favorite headphones. And then I remembered that one of the kids had popped off the earbuds anyway.

I tried to cue up one of my high-energy playlists, but in one of the many re-starts I've had to do on my phone they were all lost. So I just shuffled my music … guys? I have the most emo music EVER. There was no LMFAO anywhere to be found.

It was really stinking hot.

I tried to go a new route to shave off an incline that I didn't like and I ended up walking up a 45 degree sea bluff. DUDE.

I cannot express how discouraged and down I got. I started to realize that I'm not going to have my training group with me this time. It's probably going to be really, really hot in Chicago come race day. I'll have my sister there with me but she's been doing awesome with her training (in high altitude! While I'm at sea level!). I don't want to hold her back. I need to lose 20 pounds. John got me to agree to doing P90X with him starting tomorrow and IT IS GOING TO KILL ME AM I CRAZY.

And then? This song came on as I rounded the bend for home. It convicted me to the core. It put my focus back on the kids in Africa we are trying to help. It basically told me to shut up and decide to do this.

Here are the lyrics:

There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what’s wrong and what’s right
And it comes in black and it comes in white
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it

When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn’t change by the man that’s elected
If you’re loved by someone, you’re never rejected
Decide what to be and go be it

There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I’ll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There’s a darkness upon you that’s flooded in light
And in the fine print they tell you what’s wrong and what’s right
And it flies by day and it flies by night
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it

There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I’ll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I’ll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what’s wrong and what’s right
There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it

I'm pretty sure I found my theme song for training. Time to make a new playlist. Time to get my head right.

(the next song that shuffled on was "Dear Chicago" by Ryan Adams.)

(I'm getting the message loud and clear: Run, Manda. Don't give up. This is bigger than you.)

To sponsor a child.

To donate for clean water.